Diablo III: Marklark, BeepBeep and Moira the Bland

In May 2012, Blizzard released the third installment of its can’t-click-fast-enough-to-survive beat em up Diablo. Initially plagued by many issues, such as the dreaded Error Code 37, the monstrosity that was the Real Money Auction House (don’t have enough in-game gold or time to grind/farm for your virtual goblin head squisher? Use your/your mom’s hard-earned real-world money to save yourself the trouble!), lack of ladders to keep replayability high or even possible, the always-online DRM requirement and a real lack of content to keep anything interesting beyond the initial playthrough.

After beating the game on Easy/Normal and running out of money/equipment that wasn’t either absolute garbage or broken, I uninstalled it, thinking to never touch it again.

And then…

All Are Marklar
TIL I have been misquoting South Park for a very long time.

Fast forward five years, with many games having come and gone since then. Diablo III sat, waiting to be resumed on Blizzard’s servers. My original character, named Marklark for lack of a better idea at the time, waited to resume his quest to destroy the forces of evil from the world around him, albeit still with broken gear and not a single glint of gold to his name. What is one to do but keep on keepin’ on and hope for the best?

Fortunately, the situation was better than I could have hope for, all thing considered. Marklark still had gold, the RMAH was no longer a thing to worry about and since the last time he picked up his magical cranium splitters, game mechanics had become balanced. He could afford to fix his evil smiting equipment to stand a chance once more!

Not only that, but many other things had changed. Sure, online-only gameplay was still present with no end in sight, but many things that were previously found to be either game breaking or killers of any possible replay were either fixed or no longer an issue. Gear no longer cost an arm and a leg to repair. Junk/useless gear drop rates were reduced.

Seasons: Ladders for the Rest of Us

Another, far more important addition was Seasons. Similar to the ladders of Diablo II, Season allowed a player to create characters that could only be used and interact with others taking part in the same event. However, being away from DIII for as long as I had, I was WAY behind, with Season 11 having just started not long ago. So far, I am enjoying this most of all, since it is no longer a requirement to play the story mode over and over again, albeit on a harder level of difficulty. Bounties and the ability to zip from one part of a map or act was now cakewalk, no more need to grind through an unwanted/undesirable section to farm for better goodies.

Fortunately, I found that I would not have to do this alone, as I found people from work who played and would willing to have me tag along as I reacquainted myself with the mechanics, new classes and overall gameplay experience. So, in an effort to attempt to catch up them, I created BeepBeep the Monk, Pugilist Extraordinaire. Much punching was done from the first moment of gameplay until today, some 62 levels later.

Having progressed as far as I had, it was determined that it would be best if we all just started new characters. Having only up until that point in time played the tanky, middle of the fray classes that are the Barbarian and Monk, I decided that dabbling in a new-to-me class was a must. Thus, Moira the Bland was born. Initially meant to emulate the Sisters of Battle, Warhammer 40K’s warrior nun faction, zealots to their Golden God Emperor. [SoB/Moira SxS IMG Here] Fortunately, gear aesthetics is not much of an issue, especially with the Mystic being able to transmogrify equipment appearance. Playstyle is where I initially faltered, as even with similar gear to Marklark and BeepBeep, she was far more likely to fall in battle when confronting enemies in a similar fashion. In days to come, I aim to make her approach to crushing heretics in a more thoughtful and calculated fashion.

Heroes and Their Gear: Naked Never Nullifies No-Good-Doers

(Plus It’s Just Weird)

As of 06 August 2017, my heroes are defeating the forces of evil clad in magical finery befitting of their combat styles. Click on each image to see stats and more pertaining to each one:


Magical Mallet-Wielding Meat Mongoloid

Return of the battle hardened war hero of old. Though noticeably aged, his fighting intensity has not waned as the hair grew longer and white.

Meaty Meat Meat
He’ll make sure your head goes squish in the best manner possible.














More Punches, Fewer Problems

Insert fist into face, repeat. Where hair fails, punches prevail.

Beep Beep, Go to Sleep
Demonic Nap Master















Moira the Bland

Punisher of Heresy, Lover of the Cosmic Vegetable
Criticize Not the Galactic Comatose Garden

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